Here at Brook Hi Vis we don’t just sell clothing for building sites and construction. Our normal workwear is a very popular string to the bow of our PPE inventory. One of our best sellers is the plain t-shirts, simple but effective! A lot of the customers we gain through these are employees of pubs, bars, nightclubs and more establishments of the same nature. So the inspiration for today’s blog was taken from these customers and the often outrageous tales of chaos and debauchery they have experienced working in their alcohol infested workplaces. So without further a do, we bring you Being A Bartender: 10 Tales From Behind Bars! We hope you enjoy.
1
Being A Bartender: Intoxicated Infidelity
Chris, 29
“It was a busy Saturday night, place is ram jam squishy full (600 people). I stood in the front door taking occupancy numbers, and over the door radio comes the shout ‘shaggers, shaggers, we got shaggers.’ Doormen go running off to the gents and bring out a 40ish couple and escort them out of the front door. As we all walk back in a guy comes up to the head door man and says “why are you kicking my wife out?”
2
Being A Bartender: The Goat
“A customer walked into the lobby with a goat. A full-grown goat just stood there in the lobby. I never expected I’d have to explain to a customer that they couldn’t have their goat in the restaurant. The owner tried to claim that it was an emotional support goat, but they didn’t have any proper paperwork because it most definitely was not true. Eventually the customer left with his goat and did not try to return.”
3
Being A Bartender: Labour Day
“I was working on Mother’s Day, and my co-worker was complaining about how she was having the worst cramps of her life. Because it was one of the busiest days of the year, they wouldn’t let her go home even though she was doubled over and in tears. Eventually she just walked out and headed to the hospital. Turns out she was in labour. She had a medical condition that made her weight fluctuate a lot and gave her inconsistent periods, so she had no idea. Needless to say, our employer had to do major damage control.”
4
Being A Bartender: I Need A Potty
“I bartend at an airport. Two mothers with children came in for some pre flight cocktails. One of the kids, 3 or 4 years old, tugged on her mother’s shirt and said, ‘I need to go potty!’ The mother ignored her and continued to sip her Long Island. A couple minutes later, the little girl was red in the face.” Once again, she looked at her mom and said, ‘I gotta potty NOW!’ and again her mother just shrugged it off. The little girl stood up, walked to the aisle, dropped her pants, and squatted. The looks on everyone’s faces were priceless. Once the child was done, the mom asked my co-worker if he was going to clean it up. He handed her a towel and said, ‘Nah, you should’ve listened to her the first time.'”
5
Being A Bartender: Caught In The Act
“After I commented on the fact that two women sitting at a table across from the bar were wearing the same exact pair of designer heels, my co-worker, who had been serving them, told me that the women had met up there to confront their cheating boyfriend. Both women had been under the impression that they were in a monogamous relationship until one of them saw an intimate email that was sent from the boyfriend to the other woman. After comparing notes without him knowing, they realized he had been lying to them both for months and had gifted them the exact same pair of heels.
They decided to call him out in public and wear the matching shoes for the occasion. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see his initial reaction when he walked in the door but I did get to watch him sit in between them in a small horseshoe booth, sweating bullets for a good 45 minutes. It ended with him telling them that he needed to use the bathroom and them insisting he leaves his car keys to ensure that he was coming back. He either walked home or had a spare key because he snuck out the back door and never came back.”
6
Being A Bartender: Thanks For The Towel
“Two guys had been sitting at a table, drinking Long Islands (RED FLAG) for a few hours. They had ordered and eaten dinner as well, but at that point, it was too late. One of them eventually starts puking all over the floor as his buddy began to hysterically laugh at him. My annoyed co-worker walked over with a dirty bar rag. He handed it to the offender as he pointed to the floor, to indicate to him that he was going to clean up his own mess. The kid was so hammered that he thanked my co-worker for the dirty towel and started wiping off his face with it.
My co-worker then explained that the towel was to clean up the floor, so the drunk guy started mopping up the floor with it. To all of our horror, he quickly forgot what he was doing and started wiping his face with it again. To make matters worse, at this point his companion had busted out a camera and was taking photos of his drunk friend’s pathetic state.”
7
Being A Bartender: Excuse Me!
“The hallway with the bathrooms was also where the back door to the bar was, which led to a gate into the alley. Someone must have left the gate open because one night, a customer came to me complaining that something weird was going on in the ladies’ room but refused to elaborate and quickly left the building. I alerted our bouncer who went to check on the situation. He walked into the bathroom to find a homeless woman naked from the waist down, washing herself in the sink. When she looked up and saw him, she said, “Excuse me, I’m trying to wash my ass” as she went about her business. He told her to wrap it up quickly and waited outside, then escorted her into the alley, making sure the gate was locked behind him.”
8
Being A Bartender: Murderer
“The villas at the hotel I work in have private pools. An older couple comes in, nice people. They order drinks and head to their villa. Two hours later we get word that they found him passed out in the room and her floating facedown in the pool. I was the last person to serve them. The insurance company tried really hard to make me responsible for her death. For the next few weeks, I was interviewed about that night at least five times. If there hadn’t been multiple open bottles of wine and liquor in their room, I’d probably be out of a job and have people coming after me for money in a wrongful death lawsuit.”
9
Being A Bartender: Face PALM
“Working a wedding rehearsal dinner. Maid of honour is about to make her toast, time to collect some glassware while everyone is looking the other way. Fill a tray (not a cocktail tray, a full dinner tray) put it over my shoulder and turn. I felt the damn palm tree, or whatever it was, brush a wine glass and knew it was coming. The whole tray fell like dominos towards me, then onto the floor. Whole room turns to look at me in my formerly white shirt, now covered in various wines and liquor. There was clapping, and a death stare from the maid of honour. And then I got to work the rest of the night smelling like a bar mat.”
10
Being A Bartender: KAREN
“We served food where I worked, but it was at the bar so it counts. Basically, this woman deconstructed our house salad then completely reinvented into basically something totally different. Every aspect, down to the lettuce being swapped out for arugula, the dressing being a blend of pesto and lemon juice, etc. Total nightmare. Meanwhile the world cup is on the television so the bar is packed. Needless to say her ‘salad’ comes out wrong. She tries to get my attention while I’m taking an order. ‘Um … excuse me … excuse me … EXCUSE ME … JESUS CHRIST! CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME??!!!!’ The bar goes absolutely silent thinking that this was a life or death emergency. She then begins to use her hands to toss about her food onto the bar. Pointing out what was wrong or missing. In the end, she threw up her hands and stormed out.”
And there you have it. Maybe next time you’re in a bar or restaurant, you might tip the staff a bit better after hearing these horror stories! Here at Brook Hi Vis we have clothing designed for many different sectors. So expect more blogs and hilarious tales on other working professions in the coming months. If you want to buy/browse the products that inspired this blog then please click here. If you want to carry on reading funny bartending stories then please click here. Thankyou for taking your time to read this blog, stay tuned for the next one!
